- Why did he leave me?
- Am I not good enough?
- Is there someone else?
- Is he not attracted to me anymore?
- Did I nag him too much?
- Did his mother dislike me?
- What did I do?
It is very common for women to seek out a reason and often point the finger of blame at themselves for the relationship ending. They may believe that if they had tried harder, been prettier or more seductive, or given in more, that the relationship may have been the one. This mentality, while common, is not always the best approach when dealing with a male initiated break-up.
Tips for overcoming your break-up
Consider how your relationship began, progressed, and ended. Some psychologists suggest journaling everything, good and bad, about your relationship in chronological order. Not only does this allow you to release some of your own negative feelings, but it can also help you to realize the areas where you and your ex-boyfriend may have been incompatible.
Take a look at where you were when you began your relationship. Have you changed? Have you grown? Did you learn anything about yourself through this relationship? Reflection allows you to decide and govern how you feel about this relationship and its ending in a way that you control what emotions you have from it.
You may believe that he was Mr. Right or just Mr. Right-For-Now and losing him may be something you didn’t anticipate. While cliché, it is true that what is meant to be will be. For some reason, known or unknown, your ex-boyfriend didn’t feel the connection, didn’t want to continue the effort of the relationship, or just wanted to be single and play the field.
No matter what the reason was, you need to focus on the single fact that the relationship just wasn’t right anymore. Your reasoning doesn’t matter when you realize that you deserve a relationship that fulfills you in the ways you need and this one is no longer eligible for that position.
Your relationship may have lasted two years, or it may have only lasted two days. The time you spent together is now a part of your history. Your personality is made up of the experiences that you have had and the resulting growth that came from them. This relationship is no different. You may believe that all things happen for a reason or you may believe that things are coincidental and unguided.
In either case, this relationship has changed you. You may have learned more about what you don’t want or maybe you learned about a flaw you have. Give your former relationship the recognition for what it was and contributed to your life experience. Then file it away and move forward.
A common occurrence, particularly in long-term relationships, is that both partners become a bit more comfortable. They may not go to the gym or workout as often as when they were single because they opt to spend that time with their partner. They may enjoy more rich foods or indulge in alcohol more often to celebrate special milestones or simply have a date night.
For many women, there is a sort of immersion of themselves and their own interests into the relationship. Many women may feel that they have lost themselves. It may be possible that you’ve changed your own habits to accommodate your former relationship. Consider a redesign.
If you used to go to the gym and stopped because of your relationship, sign up again. Look for hobbies or interests that you’ve not enjoyed for a while. Seek out new hobbies, events, activities or social gatherings to engage yourself in. Dye your hair, change your wardrobe or your bedroom look.
Out with the old and in with the new is a relationship strategy that will help you feel fresh and revived as you move forward with your life. Make your goal to be so reinvigorated with life that the next time he sees you, he’ll rethink his decision!
One of the many little perks of being in a relationship are those little tokens of romance along the way. He may have brought you flowers, gotten tickets to your favorite show, or cooked romantic meals for you. Just because he split doesn’t mean you have to go back to microwave dinners and Friday nights on the couch.
Learn to romance yourself! If you enjoy fresh flowers, pick some up on your way home. Buy a single ticket to your favorite show or ask a friend to accompany you. Host a fancy dinner group where each week someone new makes the meal. You don’t need your ex to make you feel special.
Rediscover your confidence
One of the most common feelings, after he breaks up with you, is feeling like you just didn’t quite live up to the expectations or wants he had. Every girl feels it, even when there are 10,000 reasons you shouldn’t. You are an amazing human being with your own quirks, talents, and yes, flaws.
One of the best things you can do for yourself and for the recovery of your broken relationship is to rediscover your confidence. Confidence is the single most attractive accent a girl can have. Men will admit to finding a confident woman among the sexiest of them all.
Think about all the amazing things you have done and will do, about the group of people who love and adore you, and about all the assets you bring to a relationship. You are incredible and deserve to be proud of that. As the saying goes, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it” and when it comes to confidence, wear it loud and proud.
Your ex may have broken your relationship, your heart, and your trust but it does not define you. Whatever the cause for the end, you are at a new beginning!