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Creatures of convenience, many individuals look for casual connections, easy hookups, and adult clubs to satisfy their sexual needs or desires. Social media applications have been created to alert those interested in possible casual partners that are close by and ready to meet up. Additionally, social media has offered the opportunity to connect with past lovers and friends, prompting those inevitable feelings of ‘what if’ as well as providing an endless stream of strangers to connect with through various interest groups. Many individuals even share sexual experiences with their ex-lovers who are unavailable without stopping to consider the outward ripple effect of their personal pursuit of self-satisfaction.
If you’re considering sleeping with your ex who is currently in a relationship, consider the following:
There are a number of psychological factors that come into play when you choose to participate in acts of infidelity as the ‘other person’.
The Need to Fulfill Needs
Human beings are prompted to act and behave through a variety of motivations. Some theorists believe that these behaviors are a result of the stage of social development that an individual has achieved. In other words, some theories suggest that men and women seek out relationships only when at a stage of their life where it is considered a social norm or requirement.
Psychologists like Erik Erikson believed that the exchanges of sexual intercourse were a part of the social development and only occurred due to the pleasurable nature of the exchange. Popular behaviorist Abraham Maslow, however, proposed that an individual’s behavior is motivated by the desire or requirement to fulfill specific needs.
His theory suggested that there were both emotional and physical needs of “love and belonging” that individuals feel and desire to have gratified.
Is having sex with your unavailable ex a means to an end?
Familiarity and Comfortability
In some cases, sleeping with an ex-lover offers the opportunity for sexual gratification with someone who has already learned the preferences in the bedroom. Additionally, the ex may be more attentive or attractive due to their unavailability.
Human beings are often drawn to or more desirous of those things which are not available or out of reach.
In laymen’s terms, are you only interested in him/her because someone else is with them?
Many times, when someone reconnects with an ex-boyfriend, it is because he is in close proximity to them. Perhaps they live in the same neighborhood or city, frequent the same shops and restaurants, or work in the same building. When an ex-boyfriend is constantly around, not only can letting go of the relationship be difficult, but they become a convenient option for sexual conquest.
For many individuals who are simply seeking a release, an ex who is convenient can quickly appear to be a suitable option, despite their relationship status.
Is this hook-up just out of laziness to find someone new?
It is not uncommon for men and women to feel as though their partner was ‘stolen’ from them by their ex-lover’s new fling. Some individuals may see this new flame as the reason their own relationship failed and want revenge.
They may still harbor deep feelings for their ex and believe that if they only had one more night with them, they would be back together.
Are you trying to win your ex back through sex?
Romanticizing the relationship?
Psychology teaches us that the brain is ‘wired’ to help individuals avoid or forget traumatic or negative experiences. The human being’s memory capacity is limited and typically, once an event has passed, only the good memories remain. The same can be said for a relationship.
When seeing an ex, your brain may only be bringing up the times he brought you flowers unexpectedly or the time he got you tickets for a cruise to the Carribean leaving you to forget the reason or reasons the relationship ended.
It is possible that the desire to sleep with your ex-boyfriend could be coming from this psychological phenomenon.
Are you romanticizing your past relationship?
Like all actions, sleeping with an unavailable ex-lover comes with several consequences for you and the other party.
What starts as a quick and easy way to have some fun, relieve some stress, and avoid loneliness can quickly turn into a whirlwind of emotional discourse for everyone involved. A single sexual encounter can bring up old feelings, disrupt your well-being, or even cause a love triangle of sorts.
Is this moment worth the headache?
Being a relationship-wrecker
At some point, it is likely that you have been the victim of emotional harm due to infidelity. If you have, you know the emotional pain and anguish by feeling like you were not enough or that you were somehow at fault for your partner seeking sexual gratification outside the boundaries of your committed relationship. If you haven’t, you’re one of the lucky ones.
Infidelity in committed relationships can cause trust issues, trigger fear of abandonment, and even break up families in some cases. Those who are victimized by infidelity may suffer from a form of post-traumatic stress disorder that leaves them unable to seek new, healthier relationships.
Those who cause the infidelity often experience the loss of the relationship. Both parties involved may face the humiliation of explaining this situation to their friends and loved ones.
Do you really want to participate in something that leads to these results?
Sleeping with an ex-boyfriend may seem like a harmless endeavor. When the other person is single and emotionally available, there are a few consequences to consider for your own personal well-being. However, when he is in a new relationship, the outward ripple of negativity should be considered before jumping into familiar bedsheets.
1. Is having sex with your unavailable ex a means to an end?
2. In laymen’s terms, are you only are you interested in him/her because someone else is with them?
3. Is this hook-up just out of laziness to find someone new?
4. Are you trying to win your ex back through sex?
5. Are you romanticizing your past relationship?
6. Is this moment worth the headache?
7. Do you really want to participate in something that leads to these results? (homewrecking drama, or worse).