Sexual frustration has several negative contributions to humanity: excess masturbation, porn addiction, even desperate attempts of casual sexcapades with close friends. The most common negative contribution I’ve observed from close friends, random social media posts, and my personal experiences are unfortunately the D word (and no I don’t mean a man’s private area which would actually be a positive contribution for some people) depression.
Masturbation can promote loneliness
Many friends of mine, especially my female companions feel pathetic resorting to masturbation – it’s a reminder of how lonely they are. Once the self-love fest is over, it’s back to eating junk food alone in bed while sulking over romantic films. This pattern can definitely aid depression because the constant reminder of how you don’t have a lover occurs. For example, one of my male friends has a wife who is in the hospital. He comes home to an empty bed every night, which is a new adjustment for him. He doesn’t want to cheat since he’s a loyal husband, but the lack of sex is really getting to him. So he watches porn and masturbates. As soon as he’s satisfied, depression kicks in because he feels sexually frustrated and pathetic.
There’s nothing wrong with masturbation and the art of knowing what exactly makes you climax. Although studies show masturbation for men is not as healthy as sexual intercourse with a significant other. My female friends want an emotional connection, thus it’s difficult for them to enjoy masturbating. My female friend received sex toys for her 30th birthday. She’s been single for two years. One night, she decided to pleasure herself with one of her sex toys but didn’t climax. She explained to me and her other girlfriends over lunch how pleasuring herself didn’t feel good. She wished she was making love to the man of her dreams. I couldn’t help but notice the sadness in her eyes and how she inhaled her cheeseburger. My male and female friend don’t leave the house for social outings like they use to and are not communicating with me and other friends as much as they did when they were sexually active with their partners.
Personally, the older I get the more I desire a relationship to have sex. A long time ago…well, not too long ago, casual sex was a comfort for me. I didn’t care How I felt afterward. Two years ago, I noticed the lack of arousal I experienced with a casual partner. I stopped midway and told them how gross I feel (I also felt gross from the sloppy kissing and his smelly armpits). When my sex life slowed down, I felt bored and lonely. I had zero interest in dating but craved sexual contact. I remember a specific moment when I had a meltdown – I curled up in bed and cried because that was it for me – no more sex! In my mind, men only had sex with me because they’ll have sex with any woman willing and able. I wasn’t in the right place for a steady relationship, but I knew the only entrance for sex with me was through a relationship. I tried masturbating while I watched pro wrestling (don’t ask me why), and I hated it. My sexual frustration skyrocketed. So I became depressed. Nothing I did cured my sexual frustration which made me more frustrated.
Recognize your sexual frustration, don’t be in denial
Sex dominates society, let’s admit it. The pressure to become sexual or embody a provocative image can lead anyone to sexual frustration. We live in a world where If your Instagram photos aren’t hot, you’re not desirable. If millennials feels undesirable because they don’t fit a popular profile, imagine how baby boomers feel. Majority of baby boomers feel invisible in the dating world for obvious shallow reasons perpetuated by society and media. Imagine that feeling of giving up on dating and sex because society dictates you’re too old? The sexual frustration must be immense! Not to mention the depression which follows…or if baby boomers believe they are depressed. Baby boomers may simply be in denial that sexual frustration plus being too old for sex by society’s standards equals depression. For instance, I viewed a couple of profiles on this dating site geared towards people over fifty. Most profiles started with painstaking introductions: “I recently lost my husband. Now life just passes me by.” Yes! You are depressed if you believe life is passing by. Sure, she could be longing for casual conversation or someone to play table tennis with, but she can gain this access with anyone. The primary issue is missing a sexual partner – someone who you’re not only physically attracted to but emotionally connected with. It’s so difficult to find a partner you can trust and have great sex with.
If you ask a random young person if their truly complete in their love life, you might get a vague reply. Most of my Facebook friends’ posts is filled with cryptic messages on how lonely they are or how they wish for more sex in their lives. Since depression is considered embarrassing to some, it’s unlikely someone will voluntarily admit their depressed because they aren’t getting laid. But it’s understandable how one’s sexual frustration is depressing. Especially if you are considered attractive by society’s standards and sexually frustrated. A super hot person might think to themselves, “I can get anyone I want. I mean, just look at me. I would do me,” then perhaps cry themselves to sleep. Young girls are developing eating disorders for the sake of sex appeal. Men are taking half-naked selfies in hopes of getting “some” with a random hot girl. Are these behaviors normal? If you ask me, there maybe a hint of sexual frustration. Low self-esteem is no stranger to depression and sexual frustration. If you don’t feel sexy or doable, you may divorce yourself from the dating world. The dire need of wanting a particular person but it’s not reciprocated promotes sexual frustration as well as low self-esteem. If your crush’s desires doesn’t match who you are, you can easily become depressed.
How to cure sexual frustration
Bad news, I’m not a doctor. I wish I can personally own a cure for sexual frustration. But I can speak from personal struggles and say keeping busy helps. I preoccupy myself with friends and family and partaking in hobbies I enjoy. Video games help me a lot (I gotta say, running over people on Grand Theft Auto V takes my mind off sex). Also, working out does amazing things for the mind and body. Once you feel and look good, you develop great self-worth and you won’t mind waiting for someone worth your love and body.