How Sexual Frustration Leads To Depression And Loneliness

Sexual frustration has several negative contributions to humanity: excess masturbation, porn addiction, even desperate attempts of casual sexcapades with close friends. The most common negative contribution I’ve observed from close friends, random social media posts, and my personal experiences are unfortunately the D word (and no I don’t mean a man’s private area which would actually be a positive contribution for some people) depression.

Masturbation can promote loneliness

Many friends of mine, especially my female companions feel pathetic resorting to masturbation – it’s a reminder of how lonely they are. Once the self-love fest is over, it’s back to eating junk food alone in bed while sulking over romantic films. This pattern can definitely aid depression because the constant reminder of how you don’t have a lover occurs. For example, one of my male friends has a wife who is in the hospital. He comes home to an empty bed every night, which is a new adjustment for him. He doesn’t want to cheat since he’s a loyal husband, but the lack of sex is really getting to him. So he watches porn and masturbates. As soon as he’s satisfied, depression kicks in because he feels sexually frustrated and pathetic.

There’s nothing wrong with masturbation and the art of knowing what exactly makes you climax. Although studies show masturbation for men is not as healthy as sexual intercourse with a significant other. My female friends want an emotional connection, thus it’s difficult for them to enjoy masturbating. My female friend received sex toys for her 30th birthday. She’s been single for two years. One night, she decided to pleasure herself with one of her sex toys but didn’t climax. She explained to me and her other girlfriends over lunch how pleasuring herself didn’t feel good. She wished she was making love to the man of her dreams. I couldn’t help but notice the sadness in her eyes and how she inhaled her cheeseburger. My male and female friend don’t leave the house for social outings like they use to and are not communicating with me and other friends as much as they did when they were sexually active with their partners.

Personally, the older I get the more I desire a relationship to have sex. A long time ago…well, not too long ago, casual sex was a comfort for me. I didn’t care How I felt afterward. Two years ago, I noticed the lack of arousal I experienced with a casual partner. I stopped midway and told them how gross I feel (I also felt gross from the sloppy kissing and his smelly armpits). When my sex life slowed down, I felt bored and lonely. I had zero interest in dating but craved sexual contact. I remember a specific moment when I had a meltdown – I curled up in bed and cried because that was it for me – no more sex! In my mind, men only had sex with me because they’ll have sex with any woman willing and able. I wasn’t in the right place for a steady relationship, but I knew the only entrance for sex with me was through a relationship. I tried masturbating while I watched pro wrestling (don’t ask me why), and I hated it. My sexual frustration skyrocketed. So I became depressed. Nothing I did cured my sexual frustration which made me more frustrated.

Recognize your sexual frustration, don’t be in denial

Sex dominates society, let’s admit it. The pressure to become sexual or embody a provocative image can lead anyone to sexual frustration. We live in a world where If your Instagram photos aren’t hot, you’re not desirable. If millennials feels undesirable because they don’t fit a popular profile, imagine how baby boomers feel. Majority of baby boomers feel invisible in the dating world for obvious shallow reasons perpetuated by society and media. Imagine that feeling of giving up on dating and sex because society dictates you’re too old? The sexual frustration must be immense! Not to mention the depression which follows…or if baby boomers believe they are depressed. Baby boomers may simply be in denial that sexual frustration plus being too old for sex by society’s standards equals depression. For instance, I viewed a couple of profiles on this dating site geared towards people over fifty. Most profiles started with painstaking introductions: “I recently lost my husband. Now life just passes me by.” Yes! You are depressed if you believe life is passing by. Sure, she could be longing for casual conversation or someone to play table tennis with, but she can gain this access with anyone. The primary issue is missing a sexual partner – someone who you’re not only physically attracted to but emotionally connected with. It’s so difficult to find a partner you can trust and have great sex with.

If you ask a random young person if their truly complete in their love life, you might get a vague reply. Most of my Facebook friends’ posts is filled with cryptic messages on how lonely they are or how they wish for more sex in their lives. Since depression is considered embarrassing to some, it’s unlikely someone will voluntarily admit their depressed because they aren’t getting laid. But it’s understandable how one’s sexual frustration is depressing. Especially if you are considered attractive by society’s standards and sexually frustrated. A super hot person might think to themselves, “I can get anyone I want. I mean, just look at me. I would do me,” then perhaps cry themselves to sleep. Young girls are developing eating disorders for the sake of sex appeal. Men are taking half-naked selfies in hopes of getting “some” with a random hot girl. Are these behaviors normal? If you ask me, there maybe a hint of sexual frustration. Low self-esteem is no stranger to depression and sexual frustration. If you don’t feel sexy or doable, you may divorce yourself from the dating world. The dire need of wanting a particular person but it’s not reciprocated promotes sexual frustration as well as low self-esteem. If your crush’s desires doesn’t match who you are, you can easily become depressed.

How to cure sexual frustration

Bad news, I’m not a doctor. I wish I can personally own a cure for sexual frustration. But I can speak from personal struggles and say keeping busy helps. I preoccupy myself with friends and family and partaking in hobbies I enjoy. Video games help me a lot (I gotta say, running over people on Grand Theft Auto V takes my mind off sex). Also, working out does amazing things for the mind and body. Once you feel and look good, you develop great self-worth and you won’t mind waiting for someone worth your love and body.


  1. What you said about depression and lonelyness makes allot of sense. I’ve never really had much confidence in any way for myself. I’ve always expected to fail at everything to the point Im surprised if I don’t fail, but that’s another story. Sexually frustrated is a daily problem for me since 14 years old. Im married with one child and my wife is steadly gaining weight. She doesn’t feel attractive but honestly she isn’t. She eats junk food all the time and gets upset when I say something about it. I love her to death but don’t find her attractive at all. So now I feel like I’m that teenager again left to fulfil my own needs, in turn making me more depressed. I’m 35, it doesn’t help when I have teenage girls flirting with me from time to time. It drives me crazy, but I have never cheeted on my wife. Some time I look at my sex drive at why I will never be happy, it will never be fulfilled.

  2. I think the article is spot on in how it raises a problem that is deep rooted and pervasive in society at the moment. I separated last year from a long term partner and although it was a good decision I am now faced with a life time alone a sexless existence yet I have friends family who say you will find someone etc etc. The problem in reality is that I am given advice who have been extremely lucky in landing a soul mate in the first place let alone thinking about sex, loneliness, finding an emotional connection with someone. I have never attracted women easily and both partners I’ve had neither one wanted me when it came down to it. I was abused and controlled and here I am at 50 and have no clue how to meet someone, approach a woman or anything. I have some very good friends who think I’m attractive etc but the fact is if this so why am I not able to find someone. I don’t want one night stands (I should be so lucky !) but desperately want to find someone, soulmate who I can love and hopefully will love me…the reality is I don’t think I will and I am unable to cope with this and not able to function without affection…offering advice is great but I have no solution…

  3. Great read. Me and my girlfriend broke up, she left me and we were together for two years. She was conventionally attractive and at 32 I’ve only dated a handful of women. There is the rare time one will come on to me, but it’s been over a year since me and my ex broke up and I tried to win her back the entire time. I really like this girl that works at the pizza shop near my house. But I’m too afraid to ask her to hangout because I’m afraid she will say no. I fear rejection, because I was rejected all through high school. It doesn’t help that I’m of middle eastern decent in a predominantly Caucasian area. It may be my own Insecurities. I’m lonely and depressed and I do cry myself to sleep often, wishing I had that special someone again.

  4. I’m asexual. Explain my depression. Bonus points if you can do so while accepting that I do not desire sex nor a relationship, as I know I could easily get both IF I wanted them.

  5. sometimes it’s about sex, and sometimes sex is about the need for validation.

    you might be asexual, but you still clearly need some THING, some external validation in another form if you’re willing to award an analyst bonus points for analyzing, and understanding, and maybe even accepting you.

    sexual frustration also comes from being in an otherwise, in every other category than sexual, happy relationship–but that ONE category is a big thing for many, so it’s a brain (and ball) buster.

    since you’re on a forum about sexual frustration saying your frustration isn’t sexual in nature, the question is what are you missing, what is it you need you’re not getting. only you can answer that.

  6. It’s as if I wrote this article myself. At 28 years old I have loved sex since 14. I’m pretty sure I loved it before I ever engaged in it. I am what most people describe as “drop dead gorgeous” I’m 6ft. Tall and look like a model with long flowing hair and a great smile. I also have a winning personality. So what’s the problem? I’m a single mother who obviously has to focus on being a parent and still work as the sole head of household. My ex and I met when I needed a personal trainer years ago and fell deeply for each other. Our sex life happened… passionately and literally any and EVERYwhere lol. But outside of lovers we became close friends. Even our friends and family became friends When our daughter came into the picture after 2 yrs. he was suddenly having cold feet about me. Having a child is the most vulnerable time in a woman’s life. So naturally, I felt like the ugliest thing walking. We went from this hot couple to “Well he still has perfect abd but I have stress marks and pancake breasts”. 3 years later I somewhat have my body back and we still have sex (still passionate as ever) but way less often. Maybe a few times a month. used to be almost every night. But the relationship is totally gone. He doesn’t even really talk to me. Claims to be focused on bettering himself or something like that. So I’m both grieving the relationship and longing for a man around the house (A complete family if you will), I’m both sad and angry at the loss of a physical connection. I have to have sex. I feel like a crazy person when I think it and have never said it to anyone but damnit I NEED it. I have never been this unhappy in my life. I can’t date because I’m a full time Property Manager and a full time mom to an active toddler. Furthermore it is EXTREMELY hard dating as a single mom when 1.) I assume no-one will want me and 2.) I dont have the free time. And its not like I can just bring men over to my house. Some women dont mind. But my child will not just be around anyone. That being said, long gone are the days that I can just have a casual hookup. But lately..i find myself swiping right on Tinder thinking “Well he’s not THAT bad looking…” I dont want to settle.. But my vibrator is only PISSING ME TF OFF!!!! I just feel hopeless and lonely. Just because we become mothers.. doesn’t mean we stop being WOMEN. Glad I could say this to someone… Even if it is just my computer screen.

  7. Your ex is a real piece of sh*t. It takes a special kind of asshole to knock up a beautiful woman like yourself and then dip out to let her raise the kid herself while also fucking other people and keeping her on a leash.
    Seriously makes me angry

  8. My understanding of relationships is that men and women generally get tired of each other after ten years.

    The problem is both women and men start using a different connecting strategy as they age.
    Most men gain more wealth and continue dating whomever they find sexy while women mostly refuse to understand that their SMV is MUCH lower unless they are a fitness trainer and even then sometime no.

    Middle aged men have realize they are slowing down, so they hit the gym, buy a nicer car, and work more hours to increase their income.

    When women hit middle age most of them seem to do the opposite. They do NOTHING to increase their SMV and yet they expect high SMV like myself to chase them.

    I’ll date a woman who is 20 years older than me in her 50s if she is in shape, sexually giving, and cool to talk with, instead I find most to be overweight, standoffish, demanding, and sexually selfish.

    The problem is the sexual market place bubble women have been living in for the last 20 years is gone, porn, sex dolls, strip clubs, and VR have made it so that men are Almost satisified with artificial connectionless sex and women are doing NOTHING to bring men back to the table.

    Every relationship is a negotiation, but women are doing nothing but making demands.

  9. Did you notice how you said you have done absolutely nothing to keep your SMV as a woman, while admitting that your man has very high SMV?

    You don’t sound like you have a winning personality, you’re not even willing to win your man back. Have you tried not eating carbs, counting calories, and exercising? You yourself admitted that your man was still having sex with you a few times a month, which means he is still sexually attracted to you, but you apparently decided for yourself that something must be wrong with HIM? It takes two honey, and if you don’t figure out what happened to your last relationship you’re going to repeat it in your next one.

    When was the last time you initiated a blow job? When was the last time you stuck your hand down his pants while he was driving and made every trip with you in the car memorable for him? Why isn’t he sexually addicted to the things you do to him? When was the last time you tried to push the boundaries of his sexuality instead of sitting and making him do all the work? When was the last time you sacrificed something sexually to make him feel desire for you? Did you try anal? Did you try researching different types of sexual foreplay that he may find interesting and exotic? Handcuffs? Tying? Maybe HE wants to be tied down and for you to be the one exploring his body with your tongue? WHY DO YOU THINK HE HAS WASHBOARD ABS? Maybe he was trying to signal to you that he wants you to WANT HIM? Did you try anything at all?

    What exactly are you good at winning at? A hollow corporate career that means nothing now because you lost your life partner?

    How is it that he has washboard abs and you’re a sack of potatoes? How could you let your relationship slip so badly? Why weren’t you exercising with him?

    These are strong questions but until you have answered them for yourself you are bound to make the sames mistakes in your next relationship.

    And please understand that the number of single women age 35 plus is sky rocketing while the number of single men age 35 plus is not, what does that tell you? If you want to be a winner, maybe start by winning your man back.

    Side Note: Men describe women who give daily blow jobs with borderline worship and respect, referring to them as Angels and Unicorns. Do with this information what you will.

  10. I’m 37 and I’ve never had a girlfriend, sex, or even kissed a woman. No woman has ever been – nor ever could be – interested in me because I’m profoundly inattractive and utterly unlovable. I would absolutely love to experience intimacy and sex but the only way I could ever have anything like it would be to pay for it by the hour – and I’m not that kind of person. Paying someone to spend time with me would make me feel even worse about myself. There is nothing I can do – watching porn makes me feel terrible because it reminds me that every other guy out there is more attractive than I ever could be.

    1. I’m exactly like you, except I’m 5 years older.
      But I would feel too sorry for the prostitute I’d paid to actually have sex with her. I’d just give her some food and perhaps have a brief conversation, and then let her go. And afterwards, I’d feel stupid and ashamed for wasting her time and for paying a prostitute in the first place.

      Not that I ever would do any of that. If a woman wants me, so be it.
      But it’s going to have to be her decision. And I’m not holding my breath.

  11. I am the opposite of you. It is being in a relationship that causes me to lose interest in sex. And it isn’t just emotional it is physical too. After two or three times having sex with the same woman my body shuts down and I can no longer have an orgasm followed by the inability to get an erection. I don’t have these problems when I first have sex with somebody or if I have a one night stand or pay for sex. When I got married the sex stopped almost right away. We went to a number of therapists but none were able to help. One said my sexual dysfunctions were the result of intimacy anxiety caused by what she called an Attachment Disorder. Whatever it is I haven’t been able to fix it and it has caused my 20 year marriage to be sexless.

  12. This is very helpful. I’ve gotten the question of whether I’m a virgin for a very long time and I couldn’t answer it, not realizing the more I douch it the more I was falling into denial, being depressed and frustrated. Now I know what I must do and I’ll stick to it.

  13. I’m 42. To me, sex is what I see on a screen, or hear from behind walls.
    I have urges and needs like everyone else, but no one approaches me, and
    I certainly would never approach someone else.

    Being a virgin at my age is something I just have to accept in order to go on.
    It’s not my fault that I was born entirely without any sex appeal or likeable characteristics. Some people just are like that. But much worse than living life alone, is knowing that you don’t have the same choice as the vast majority of the global population: you don’t get to choose to have sex. It’s OTHER people who get to choose NOT to have sex with you. And that’s what they choose.

    I can’t help that I was born ugly, and other people can’t help that they aren’t attracted to ugly people. That’s just the way it is. Dammit.

  14. I’m sure my wife has been depressed for many years but that’s her problem, i don’t really care about her or her problems.
    I have my problems but they don’t depress me. Married just over 50 years and maybe had sex a couple of times. I just wasn’t interested in sex and there was no reason to do sex. Plus from an early age maybe mid teens never had an erection at night and could of cared about intimacy. Never had an friends and to this day I still have no friends.
    I thought getting married would change thing it only made it worse. My wife has been depressed, and I told her she could leave when ever she wanted but that never happened, I guess she like the benefits from my work.
    I worked at least 12 hours a day 7 days a week, all holidays , weekends on the midnight shift, I also slept in the basement where it was quiet. I think I only slept with my wife about one night. I couldn’t stand sleeping with another person, found that creepy.
    Plus I will add that I’m not gay or have something on the side, that’s lame and have no interest at all.

  15. I am a plus sized woman. I haven’t always been but I am now. So I agree that when it’s a fetish, it is actually sick. Because those guys will SNAP on you if you lose too much weight.

    I do the online dating thing a lot, much to my horror and I certainly can say “”AMEN”” to some of Chris’s Tinder Terror stories.

    But I am always 100 percent honest. I say that I am plus sized. I post full bodied pics. I also explain that I and my weight are work in progress, but if you like me, you like me and if you don’t, you don’t.

    Thing is, I have found that no matter your size, most of the men online, as in real life are just looking for sex.

    So, regardless, just be yourself. But I do understand the issue. Rejection becomes a default comfort zone.

    I said to someone, I am never bothered when people walk away from me. I’m bothered when they stay. It’s hard to live up to something when you finally get what you want.

    So to the writer of that letter. Work on your body if it truly bugs you. But in the mean time, date and enjoy the attention. The right guy will like you for you.

    There are more men who genuinely go for “”Real Girls”” than the media or anyone else would have us believe.

  16. My boyfriend and I had been going out a while and we have a son as well. I feel like he didn’t want me and I always cried after masturbating cause he never touched me. He finally recently told me he doesn’t enjoy the act of sex at all and with me having a HIGH sex drive I am finding it super hard to keep happy.i am never more happy than i am at work now a days cause when I come home we share care of our child but all he wants to do after our son is in bed is bathe and watch anime and quite often I masturbate, cry then pass out for work the next day. I feel pathetic and alone even if he’s laying right next to me.

  17. My first marriage, 20 years, was mostly unhappy because for the last 18 of those years, I still wanted lots of sex with my wife and she completely lost interest after having our first child. It only got worse after the second child. We talked and talked, and “negotiated” and tried date nights, schedules, and none of that worked. I managed to keep busy with work and hobbies, but I was always unhappy deep down. It miffs me when that is given as advice. Nothing – not hobbies, a big salary, a new boat, or anything else – can “compensate” for an unhappy sex life with your spouse.

    After 20 years, I’d had it and said I wanted a divorce. She agreed. She knew we were both unhappy and it was time to call it quits, especially since our kids were grown up and out of high school.

    I remarried, and for two years was in utter bliss. I had found a woman who seemed to outpace even my needs for sex. She never “refused” me. And it was so much more than sex. She comforted me. She welcomed physical contact in a very sensual way at any time. I no longer felt like I was living with just a “roommate”.

    But after year 2, she hit pre-menoapause, and now, after 5 years of that, things are EXACTLY as they were with my first wife. No sex, no cuddling, no intimate contact of any kind. She says she loves me deeply. I believe her. But to be honest, her behavior has changed so much that she is just downright mean to be around most of the time. 5 years of this, and I am ready to throw myself off a bridge. Every morning, every evening, every holiday, vacation, every afternoon without the kids – they are all wasted, all miserable as far as I am concerned. What is especially hurtful is that she knew my entire history with my first wife, and she was such a perfect fit when we first married. And we weren’t teenagers or 20-somethings anymore. We were in our late 40’s, so we both knew how important it was to communicate and always be on the same page about important aspects of a marriage.

    I don’t know what the answer to any of this is. All I can tell you is that a couple with mismatched sexual needs may as well just throw in the towel, because if you can’t fix that problem, you will never be happy. You are just kidding yourself.

  18. I’m 36 or at least I think I am, I’ve kind of lost track at this point because it just doesn’t seem to matter much to me at this point, and I think it’s clear I’m going to be “untouched” for pretty much the rest of my life. My very first crush in grade school hated me (like pretty much everyone else) and when it got out that I liked her (how, I don’t know, because I never told anyone), I was the laughing stock of my grade. So you can imagine that shattered any shred of confidence and self esteem I had. Since then it’s been a whole lot of nothing except rejection and porn, the latter of which only serves as a constant reminder of what I’ll never have. How is not being able to even get *one* woman supposed to feel when I’m presented with guys having two, three, four, five, or even more at the same time? It makes the depression and hopelessness even worse. A couple of times I’ve had interested parties that made me hopeful, but before anything got started between us, one told me one day out of the blue that she’d lost interest and moved on to someone else, while the other just up and disappeared on me and I’ve never heard a word from her since.

    At this point, I just feel like if I’m never going to have the love and companionship we depend on as humans (not just physical, but emotional too), why was I even born? I really see no point in going on and hope to one day soon find the means to dispose of myself as quickly and as painlessly as possible.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You May Also Like